Thursday, July 16, 2009

Cat Diary vs. Dog Diary

My Mum forwarded this to me via e-mail and I figured since we all have pets, mainly dogs and cats, that you may enjoy it too...

Dog’s Diary:

8:00 am - Dog food! My favorite thing!
9:30 am - A car ride! My favorite thing!
9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favorite thing!
10:30 am - Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!
12:00 PM - Lunch! My favorite thing!
1:00 PM - Played in the yard! My favorite thing!
3:00 PM - Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!
5:00 PM - Milk bones! My favorite thing!
7:00 PM - Got to play ball! My favorite thing!
8:00 PM - Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favorite thing!
11: 00 PM - Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!

Cat’s Diary:

Day 983 of my captivity.

My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength. The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet. (Or your shoe, eh, Melody?)

Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a good little hunter I am.

There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of allergies. I must learn what this means, and how to use it to my advantage.

Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow -- but at the top of the stairs. I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released - and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded.




Modern Crush said...

HAHAHAHAH!!!!! .... HAHAHAHHA!!!!! That is too funny!! Amy youre great! Ha ha what the hell is a flunkie?? hahaaa!!!

Shona~ LALA dex press said...


My obit will read: Died from a blunt head trauma when she tripped over her cat and hit her head against the kitchen counter. Found with her dog standing over her, licking her face.

nick said...

This is SOOOO ture!!

me melodia said...

This is total hilarity!
I swear I think my Charlotte is the cutest root of all evil.